The Homm of Golf -Parkview
By Jason S (Dwag)
Golf has come a long way in the centuries since its inception over the windy Scottish hills. It is well known that the older rules of the game forbade women from participating (hence the frequently retold acronym-come-joke, GOLF – gentlemen only, ladies forbidden), and indeed anyone except straight white men would have been given short shrift on any course a mere 50 years ago!
One of the most progressive courses in South Africa has to be Parkview, in Johannesburg – AKA the Homm of Golf. Several proud SOS members are lucky enough to have come out and joined Parkview Golf Club, gladly taking advantage of stellar centenary deals in 2016 which reduced the price of subscriptions fees to a mere 200% of other comparable clubs.
Members at Parkview commonly cite the truly fabulous atmosphere as their favourite aspect of the club. Can anything compare to a few boys cosying-up together, sharing pink cocktails and war stories of conquests both on and off the field?
Sitting quietly at the bar, you might hear one gent describe how he had to get down into the mud to find his balls, another how he used his big club to get it deep. In the corner, a couple would share an intimate drink together to remember how they high-fived after helping guide each other into the hole, but all members will agree that the thought of arriving at Parkview and getting a grip on a big, stiff shaft is what keeps them coming back for more.
Parkview is not a stranger to strong alcohol, having readily adopted the red-heart-rum-in-a-beer drink known as the Rumbler – it really helps a man loosen up for a good time. While they didn’t invent the Rumbler, Parkview members do lay claim to the ultimate show of camaraderie, the Ballcuzi. Known to be a real crowd-pleaser, one member will gently lower his testicles into a frothy glass of beer, while another heartily blows air bubbles into the beer and over his scrotum with a straw (in the process getting up close and personal with his friend’s cowboy tackle). Members of Parkview who witness the spectacle breathe a collective sigh, revelling in the warmth and closeness they all feel with each other.
However, going into the bar straight off the course is frowned upon – it’s certainly expected that members share a steamy shower first! There’s not much in this world that brings Parkview members closer together than standing in the locker room, free of inhibiting clothing, and reminiscing about how the four of them just got really hot and sweaty by playing with their clubs, or how their balls got wet in the deep sluit.
Golf players guesting from other clubs may find these rituals strange, sucking down a quick castle lite at the bar before a beating a hasty retreat, but that won’t stop the Parkview members from enjoying themselves late into the night – the WAGS can wait!
Truly a club for the 21st century.