17 January 1984
Handicap Index (August 2019)
Favourite Course played on SOS
Royal JHB West
Favourite Course played Anywhere
Bucket List Golf Course (yet to play)
Ping G400 Max
Titleist AP1 718
Favourite Club in the bag
Strength in your game
Driving the cart
Weakness in your game
My entire game
What you love about Golf
Buying the gear
What you love about SOS *
What the Tour has had to say about Chris Caalsen:
Worst golfer on tour
Biggest nipples on tour. Susch a tit
How in God’s name does he even hit a ball?
All the gear no fucking idea … shit golfer … should leave sos
All the gear, still a queer!
Shmaaks a pale ale
Maths, Brett, Zulu and Caalsen’s swing – things I can’t understand
Hooray for Titties
Best nipples on tour!
Peacock, Peakak Swing, PeaNis breath
Is even less likely to give you a good putting line than he is a decent insurance quote
Nipples like manhole covers. Except manhole cover face up.
The Peacock Golf Shot: When you aim for the golf green and hit it onto the foot-golf green, with gigantic abnormal sized fucking holes
Nips like coins, and a swing like an epileptic.
C-Man, biggest nips on tour.
Play Michael Jackson and he will get his tits out
Chris is unable to have a conversation without repeating something someone else has already said. Chris is under the impression that every inhabitant of the earth is deaf… he needs to cock his head to the side and be approximately 1.5cm from your ear in order to converse. He is the tour parrot.
A great guy and great golfer to have on the tour. Ring Caalson is eager to learn, humble in his abilities and always willing to console a partner after a poor shot. Knows how to enjoy the game like no one else on tour by constantly reminding you that you’re on the course, with friends, having a blast, no matter the outcome. Definitely a player I would pick in my fourball.
Can’t do a one handed push up to save his life! But his parrot impersonations are pretty good.
Not right upstairs.
Got owned by the floor, best work on the one handed push-ups for 2014.
The second member of SOS dynamic synchronized swimming duo whose gym routine consists of the elusive forehead pushups. Unfortunately he has had no noticeable achievements due to his constant desire to hang around on the shoulders of others.
Caalssssssssen, think he might have been punched in the head to hard by a boxer, whom we wont name. As a result, he is an off the wall party animal. Usually finds his name near where he left his clothes.
Likes to eat floor tiles directly after one arm push up’s…
Hoola Hoop of personal space please…
Worst one handed pusher-upperer ever!!
Loves the snot shots! Turns everything into a bogey very quickly!
Rincaals still has the award for the most drunk SOS player and will most probably keep that title forever.
We can only have one parrot around.
I know he’s very proud of his Nazi heritage.