The Trials and Tribulations of golfing attire
By Andrew Hart
The game of golf dates back to somewhere around 1457, and since that day the sport has undoubtedly become the game of the gentleman, the scholar, the businessman and the colour blind. Golf is one of the few professional and amateur sports that do not require a uniform or kit – this leaves golfers with the freedom to dress themselves in any golfing attire they desire…be afraid, be very afraid! It is true that this open wardrobe policy can give one the opportunity to look really dapper, leaving your friends jealous and possibly even a bit turned on. However, all too often this freedom can have devastating consequences; some golfers handle the wardrobe options with more dignity and common sense than others.
The History Lesson
The association of golf with phenomenally bad clothing reaches back to the sport’s earliest days of bearded Scotsmen in kilts playing with each other’s balls. However, for the majority of the sport’s long and illustrious history the tendency of players to wear idiotic clothing was not apparent as golf was played exclusively by upper-class twits who wore stupid attire equally on and off the course, the culmination being the inclusion of plus-fours as a standard piece of golfing attire.
“Those trousers look f*cking stupid” Oscar Wilde
It was not until the 1960s and 1970s that a blatantly clear gap opened up between the clothing used by golfers and that worn by the rest of humanity. While the whole world was wearing jeans, t-shirts and sports shoes, the fashion vacuum known as golf clubs enforced that you wore your socks pulled all the way up, while others insisted that they be pulled all the way down. Ladies of course have no dress code and can wear whatever they hell they like, an issue which has never caused any controversy as women have never been allowed to play golf…until now.
Golf has remained the exclusive preserve of the white male middle and upper classes until the late 1990s. This has however rapidly changed over the past decade with the flooding of the sport with the phenomenal skills and more importantly the ‘marketability’ of players such as Tiger Woods and Rickie Fowler. Finally, the game is seeing a level of coolness never experienced before. Today we have pros and amateurs alike wearing a flat peak caps coupled with fetching union jack pants and a floral shirt aka Ian Poulter.
Some Practical Advise
Your local course is a great place to see people who have never heard of colour coordination and the power of understatement – it can often look like a Ronald McDonald convention. How else do you explain the miasma of checks, tweed, day-glo colours and tassles? Well, the answer is simple – golfers have had some seriously bad examples set for them and maybe too much freedom is not a good thing.
I guess all courses, and certainly golf tours such as SOS, have a few guys with as much fashion sense as John Daly, so maybe a few common sense tips would go a long way:
The Shoes: Golf shoes have come a long way in the past few years, with options that look like skater shoes and trainers. In my opinion, keep it simple and relatively traditional. Leather is always a good option, preferably multi-coloured with as many tassels as possible. Unfortunately the studs on the bottom render them useless when you head out on a Saturday night to squeak some takkie. Trainers must not be worn on the course as they damage the greens. High heels are also generally frowned upon, especially when worn by guys.
The Pants: Golf pants have come a long way from plus fours to slacks as they were called in another age. Slacks represented almost everything that was wrong about the society they inhabited. Aspiring to be smart, casual, comfortable and fashionable, they in fact managed to be none of these things. Today modern manufacturing methods have enabled golf trousers to be very comfortable however; they are often produced in a wide range of horrid colours and patterns which seems to be taking the SOS golf tour by storm. Another concerning trend is that of ‘jeanos’- these are ridiculous looking jeans meant to look like chinos – yes you heard correctly – and yes they have made an appearance on SOS.
The Belt – an absolute key accessory used by many a golfer to tuck his (usually extensive) paunch into his trousers. The bigger the buckle the better, sometimes some fake diamond bling in the shape of a dollar sign goes a long way to putting you partner off his clutch 3 foot putt.
The shirt – This is the area where a golfer can really begin to display his individuality. It is also an area that can make the golfer look like he has just popped several hallucinogens before arriving at the course. The selection is quite frankly mind boggling, from salmon pink to match the sunburnt complexion to bright blue making you look like one of the Smurfs long lost cousins (especially when coupled with matching blue pants and hat). At an absolute minimum a collared short must be worn at all times. Yes, some courses might allow you to get away with a t-shirt but have some decency and sophistication.
Ian Poulter never fails to disappoint – this rose gold number is possibly his pièce de résistance
The hat – No golfer could possibly consider his outfit complete without the obligatory hat. Obviously the hat serves the purpose of keeping the African rays off your balding scalp, but more importantly, this is where you can unleash your sick style. Sadly, we have seen some hat choices that leave us questioning the meaning of life, from Jesper Parnevik’s ‘Upper Deck’, to Shingo Katayama and Rory Sabbatini’s cowboy hats.
Rory Sabbatini – no words required.
The Way Forward
When the casual weekend golfer takes to the course there are a few simple and practical things to keep in mind when asking your wife to dress you: what club are we playing at and how strict are they regarding the appropriate dress code, are these new lilac and coral shoes comfortable enough to walk ten kilometres and are they waterproof (you don’t want your ‘new shoes’ beer to leak out), does the bold embroidery on this awesome shirt chafe my nipples and make them bleed, do I look like a Smurf? These are all some of the more common questions all golfers should keep in mind.
Lastly, be mindful that if you arrive at the golf course not properly kitted out they won’t allow you to play, however, even worse than that they will offer you the option to buy some clothing from their reasonably priced Pro Shop range – a collared shirt for nine hundred bucks, seems reasonable to me?
Keep it simple, keep it smart and never wear a flat peak cap…ever.