SOS Battle Royale

SOS Battle Royale – The Lower Class Tattoo match

**** MARCEL DU PLESSIS WAS DEFEATED BY CHAD CAMPBELL DUE TO RAIN IN THE FINAL ROUND ****

Ladies and gentleman, the time has arrived, the match we’ve all been waiting for – the golf game where dares are taken to a whole new level of stupidity (or bravery in the minds of the participants). It’s the ‘Bryanstan Brawl’, the ‘Knuckle Up in the North’, the ‘Showdown in Ho Town’ and call it what you may, but this nail-biter is going to go right down to the wire – the next round will decide it all. These two young dimwits have taken it upon themselves to dare each other to the very point of etching an everlasting image beneath their skin, a proverbial ‘battle scar’ as an eternal reminder of their loss and humiliation – a tattoo of the Sultans of Swing Golf Tour Logo.

Recently social networks have been abuzz with chatter that has heightened the already tense atmosphere on tour. Both contenders have been slating one another repeatedly in an attempt to get the mental edge.

Although both competitors seem to be taking the abuse and gamesmanship on the chin, close sources to Chad reckon he may be cracking under the pressure. A recent 2 day alcohol binge at the local watering hole – The Keg & Beagle in Linksfield – may be an early sign of anxiety, or perhaps traumatic evidence of his most recent loss to Marcel in the Benoni Belly-Ring Battle where Mr. Campbell earned himself some stomach jewelry.

Another close source to Marcel confirms that he too is showing signs of instability having to masturbate himself to sleep every night. He also mentions that Chad has caught Marcel ‘with his pants down’ before, and anything is possible.

So the question remains, who is the favourite to win the dare and avoid the tattoo? Read the below and let us know on Facebook and Twitter.

Here are a few scenarios and facts which may sway your decision:

Chad is 39,334 points ahead of Marcel.

Due to the makeup of the scoring system on the SOS Golf Tour, Marcel needs to pull a rabbit out of the hat and deliver some of his best golf to beat Chad. Marcel is currently on top form (despite a hiccup at the Gaugeler Cup) and with an ever rising handicap (questionable), he is the favourite to win on Sunday, but is a win enough? Here are the possible positions for Sunday and it explains each of the possible ways in which either Chad Campbell or Marcel Du Plessis can avoid getting an SOS tattoo:

a. If Chad finishes above Marcel, it’s over and Marcel gets the tattoo.

b. However, in the event Marcel finishes above Chad, here is what needs to happen in order for Marcel to still avoid the tattoo:

1. If Marcel finishes 1^st, 2^nd or 3^rd ahead of the entire field of 20 then it is curtains for Chad, regardless of where he finishes below Marcel.

2. If Marcel finishes 4^th, Chad needs to finish 5^th or 6^th to avoid the tattoo.

3. If Marcel finishes 5^th, Chad only needs to finish in 6^th, 7^th, 8^th, 9^th or 10^th to avoid the “prize” on offer.

4. If Marcel finishes 6^th, Chad will only have to finish in the top 12, which equates to the top 66% of the Tour field for the day.

5. If Marcel finishes 7^thor worse, he will get the tattoo. There are two non-SOS members in the field, meaning the points are only awarded up until 18^th place for round 11, which will give Chad enough points finishing stone last in this event to still pip Marcel.

Interestingly –

* Chad’s mental strength may also be questionable.

* Marcel has vast more experience in playing golf under tense situations.

* Marcel’s recent title loss of the coveted Gaugeler Cup may play a role in hurting his psyche.

So, it all comes down to this Sunday 20^th October, SOS Round 11, Bryanstan Golf Course in Johannesburg. Tee off is set for just after 11am local time. Live results will be broadcast via the SOS Facebook page and Twitter account . So in the famous words of Michael Buffer:

…. LLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLET’S GET READY TO RUMMMBBBBLLLLLLLLE!!!!!!!……

…AND HEAVEN-HELP ANYONE WHO CHICKENS OUT OF THIS BET…